Failure has been a tough part of my life. No matter how hard I worked or how carefully I planned, sometimes things just didn’t turn out the way I hoped. Especially when it came to my career, I faced setbacks that hit me hard. I kept trying, kept pushing, but the results didn’t match my efforts.
At first, it was painful and frustrating. But slowly, I began to notice something important — the way I reacted to failure mattered more than the failure itself.
I want to share how I’ve dealt with failure, what I learned, and how it’s changed me.
How I Used to React to Failure
Every time I faced failure or disappointment, I noticed I’d usually respond in one of these four ways:
1. Blaming myself — “Maybe I didn’t try hard enough.”
This was my first reaction, every time. I thought if I just worked harder, next time would be better. But even when I gave my 100%, failure still came. That made me feel guilty and question myself. Instead of motivating me, guilt made me lose confidence and want to give up.
2. Blaming my situation — “Maybe I don’t have the right resources.”
When blaming myself didn’t feel right, I’d shift blame outward. Maybe I didn’t have enough support, or the right environment, or resources. This way of thinking felt comforting at first because it gave me an excuse, but in reality, it made me feel like a victim. I stopped taking full responsibility for what I could do.
3. Thinking it’s all destiny — “Maybe this is just how it’s meant to be.”
I often heard people say, “It’s God’s plan” or “It’s destiny.” At first, it made me feel better. But later, I realized that believing everything is already decided made me stop trying. Why put in effort if the outcome is fixed? That didn’t feel right to me.
4. Wanting to give up and just enjoy life — “Maybe I should just leave it and be happy.”
Sometimes, failure made me want to quit and focus on enjoying life instead. While taking breaks is important, I realized that leaving things unfinished never gave me peace. I wanted to face my challenges instead of running away.
What Changed for Me
After cycling through these reactions so many times, I realized they weren’t helping me grow. They were keeping me stuck.
One day, I decided to ask a different question:
“What’s really missing between where I am and where I want to be?”
This simple shift changed everything.
It’s Not Just About Hard Work or Luck
I used to believe that working harder or having better resources would solve everything. But I learned that success depends on something deeper: the qualities I bring to the table — mindset, patience, clarity, and self-awareness.
I had to honestly ask myself:
“Do I have the right qualities to reach my goals? If not, can I develop them?”
This wasn’t an easy question. I realized that I’m shaped by my genetics, my upbringing, and my environment. Changing myself — even in small ways — takes time, effort, and understanding.
Why Forcing Change Doesn’t Work?
When I tried to force myself to change overnight, I failed. I resisted changes I didn’t understand or wasn’t ready for. That frustration made me want to give up.
Now, I focus on gradual growth — building qualities step by step, with patience and self-compassion.
What If I’m Not Ready for That Change?
Sometimes, the qualities I need to reach a goal feel very far from who I am now. And that’s okay.
Instead of forcing myself into a mold that doesn’t fit, I try to find a path that aligns with my true self — something I enjoy and can grow into naturally.
I don’t want to live someone else’s idea of success. I want to build my own version.
My Biggest Lesson
After all this, I came to one simple truth:
“The only real thing I can do is to keep trying to become a better version of myself — every single day“
Not perfect. Not someone else.
Just better than I was yesterday.
Now, I focus on understanding who I am today and what qualities I need to develop. I practice patience with myself. I stop blaming guilt, circumstances, fate, or escaping. Instead, I take responsibility and move forward, little by little.
If you’ve ever felt stuck or frustrated by failure, know that you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.
Changing how I see failure — not as an end, but as a chance to learn about myself — gave me hope. It gave me the strength to try again and keep growing.
If I can share one thing from my journey, it’s this:
Focus on becoming your own better version. Growth will follow naturally.
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